I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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