Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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