i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
