Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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