before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
