I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
