do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
