Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
