I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
