We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize