dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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