My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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