it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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