i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
