She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
