He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
