the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
