I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
