I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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