I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
