Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
