does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I just want nice things and good sex
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
