she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
So squirting runs in the family.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
