Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize