I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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