I look better un-naked...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
