Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
