This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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