He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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