plz talk dirty to me
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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