thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize