She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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