whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
