Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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