well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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