That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize