Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
