Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
