Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize