we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize