i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
this just has baby written all over it
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
