Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
