How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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