Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
