So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
