"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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