You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
