'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
