On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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