You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
love makes seman taste better
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
