you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize