Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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