I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
