yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize