I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
