Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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