how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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