Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
