His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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