guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize