I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
