I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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