It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
