he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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