I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
