I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
