Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
