WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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