i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
