remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You left your phone here
Wait...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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