I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
