You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
