You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
