I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
