get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
