How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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