he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
