k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
