So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
