i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
