Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
