if i can run in heels then i can drive
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
