i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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