this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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