worst night to have a conscience
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
