My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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