i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
