Fine. I'll sleep in my office
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
