And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
