so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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