I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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