so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
