and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
