the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
