Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
