I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
