So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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