this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
